“The Panda is a great boon to my side of the literary world. The Panda is the guy to know, but never did any one man rip so opposite in the other direction as me. He is the other side of my coin.”
Jesse Teller is mentally disabled. He suffers from PTSD from an abusive childhood. He is bipolar, suffers from daily to hourly hallucinations, and has DID (multiple personality disorder).
He has been a member of the self-published fantasy community for four and a half years now, has published fourteen books, with plans to publish countless more.
Jesse Teller is not a sane man. He has been declared mentally unfit and is a certified madman. This blog series is a glimpse into the way he sees a small handful of his peers and a look into his own mind. This is an excerpt from the third volume of his autobiography yet to be published.
“I’m brilliant. Everyone is going to flock to my books. Not a person in this world will ever want to read anything else. I am the best and the history books will tell them all so. There will be lines of people at every signing at every release. Book stores will quake when they think about the sheer inventory they will have to order and how fast it will fly from their shelves. When I am done, entire sections of stores will be dedicated to my work and there will be college classes taught about the genius of Jesse Teller.”
That was my best Artist impression going into the career. He thought, as most of us did, that everyone would love us. But that is not any kind of shade of reality. Because see, I am not really your cup of tea.
I’m not always fun to read. My work is heavy and horrifying. My work will terrorize you, and it is dark, very dark. I lived a life of darkness and, unless you’re looking for that sort of thing, then I’m not the guy you are going to buy.
There are a lot of you out there who love what I do, but The Panda taught me that not everyone wants the Jesse Teller show. A lot of people just want to have fun.
Big supporter of self-published fantasy, The Panda is always there to give you a hand up. He read all of The Manhunters series and the first of The Madness Wars. He is a fan, and any time I need him, he is there.
A small press runs his stuff, so he is not self-published. He is one of their brightest stars and has earned a free ticket to write anything he wants. He has written so many books and has gotten so many people published by his press by giving them a nod and a recommendation.
The Panda is a great boon to my side of the literary world. The Panda is the guy to know, but never did any one man rip so opposite in the other direction as me. He is the other side of my coin.
Most of the time I am writing, I am either gritting my teeth or crying. I hit the keys of my board so hard my fingers ache on long productive days. When I finish a novel, I am injured. I am traumatized and I am broken emotionally.
All of The Panda’s book are written while he is laughing.
He does not take anything seriously except sales and reviews. And the careers of those he is helping.
This dude wrote a book about a weredeer. This cat wrote a Lovecraftian dystopia with a disclaimer that he was basing it off the board game. You can’t help but have fun when you read this guy’s books. And they are popular.
There is a huge market for books that are fun to read. Believe it or not. Look it up. It is true.
Books that make people smile sell remarkably well. And so when I think of The Panda, I find my lane.
Have you ever read a vampire book where the vampires are obsessed with counting things? Sit with that for a minute and let it grab you. Just roll around with a counting vampire in your brain and you will see it.
Ah there it is. One, one minute it took you. Two, two minutes to see how funny that is and three, ah ha three minutes and you are looking for The Panda’s work.
Search for Straight Outta Fangton, or its sequel Thousand Miles and Vampin. Yeah, rap fan.
I write books where men have to kill the women they love the most, where self-hatred and misery are the norm. And this guy writes about a private detective weredeer who solves cases while her father runs a restaurant called The Deerlightful Diner. Where every word in his book is either a pun or about to be and though things may get dark and shadowy, there is a creature in there laughing.
The Panda is a friend. He keeps me humble. Because the fact that he is a thing—and The Panda is a big thing—the fact that he is a thing means I have a limited audience. Not everyone will hunt and search for every word I write, and my market is large but not total.
The autocorrect did not even try to fix Deerlightful. It just gave up and let it ride, because not even a computer knows how to straighten this guy out.
About the Panda: C.T. Phipps
C.T Phipps is a lifelong student of horror, science fiction, and fantasy. An avid tabletop gamer, he discovered this passion led him to write and turned him into a lifelong geek. He is a regular blogger on “The United Federation of Charles” (http://unitedfederationofcharles.blogspot.com/).
He’s the author of Agent G, Cthulhu Armageddon, Lucifer’s Star, Straight Outta Fangton, and The Supervillainy Saga.
Jesse Teller fell in love with fantasy when he was five years old and played his first game of Dungeons & Dragons. The game gave him the ability to create stories and characters from a young age. He started consuming fantasy in every form and, by nine, was obsessed with the genre. As a young adult, he knew he wanted to make his life about fantasy. From exploring the relationship between man and woman, to understanding the qualities of a leader or a tyrant, Jesse Teller uses his stories and settings to study real-world themes and issues.
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